Enlightenment Record

Massive opening into Bliss-Consciousness on July 10th, 1986.  Great Clarity and Consciousness way beyond veilings falling away.  Bliss carried me through many higher samadhi levels like a surfboard, and yet totally Bliss-permeated at the same time on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual planes, all at the same time 24 hours a day for about three and a half months, and although after that it reduced somewhat, it didn't really recede for three years. Even at that point, it didn't really go away.  I have not ever ceased to be Who I Am.

At night, not that I was aware of time, the Energy stilled enough for the body to rest as I continued contemplating. My hands would often reach up and spontaneously massage face muscles that were being stretched by huge continuous smiles and constant laughter. I had always been happy before, but this Happiness now was way off the map.

Everything accelerated massively. What had taken two and a half to three hours before, now was taking an hour or less, the increased energy was having that much of an impact. Often the counseling session was over the minute the client walked in the door, and then they stayed to meditate and integrate the shift.

I didn't have the words to express at the time what was happening.  About anything.  It would take time (months, years) before I integrated enough to be able to speak words about what I was experiencing internally, and the apparent resultant external shifts.  True to scripture, everything was changing internally.  Nothing was different outside me, and yet as my inner shifted, my external responses to others and circumstances changed enormously.

Old patterns of responding automatically left.  Obsessions disappeared, mainly apparent by their absence.  Smaller viewpoints erased, replaced spontaneously by a Cosmic and global one.  Indecision was replaced by decisiveness.  Social conversation was replaced by communications about direct experience of enlightenment and the GODHead Energy.  Posture straightened.  Greater eye contact occurred spontaneously.

The body ate little.  It lost no weight.  It was being fed directly by the Great Energy pouring through me.  I don't remember any food preparation occurring on my part.  Others spontaneously were moved to shop, fix and blend salads and fruit drinks.  Not enough external energy or focus to really put attention on chewing and barely able to summon up exertion to use a straw.  Restricting clothes or that emphasized body enhancement seemed ridiculous.  Caftans looked presentable and dignified when students were there, and would also cover my knees modestly when I lay down to meditate.

Night became day and day became night. No external schedule defines me. No memory. I was so in the moment, I had no recollection of the past, no concern about the future. I fully understood the saying, Be Here Now.  I AM IT.

Couldn't remember anyone's name. No differentiation of separation of any kind. I spontaneously called everyone Love, which is how I was experiencing everything. Unconditional Love permeated my energy field, Was me.

The energy being radiated through me was enormous. People would walk into the room for a pre-arranged counseling appointment, take a few steps into the room, and would literally sag down onto the floor in Bliss and lie there laughing or with little samadhi grins, spontaneously in deep meditation often for 3 to 6 hours at a time with no previous meditation instruction or background. They brought blankets to wrap themselves in and lay on the thick carpet when the couches and chairs ran out.

If anyone actually tried to talk about their problems during a counseling session, I would start laughing spontaneously. Often I was already laughing when they arrived. Everything ever worried about or wondered about was obviously totally ludicrous, as were their worries or fears. It was just too ridiculous to even consider seriously, let alone talk about. At this higher level, thinking and worry and conjecture were just a bizarre waste of time and obviously not worth it.

Consciousness replaced all dysfunctional mental and emotional conjecture. Wisdom obviously outshone thought. I seldom went out. I Am Compleat within MySelf.

Anything that occurred in my Consciousness that was needed just appeared. Students brought whatever they were moved to, and it was always just what had occurred to me. One of them would be driving downtown or to the store and suddenly they would spontaneously find themselves on my street and come in to see if I needed anything from the store, or if I had any errands to run.

People started leaving cash because i could not always predictably write a deposit slip or balance my checkbook. When they ran errands, I would just hand them a bunch of money, and they would bring back the change or make bank deposits when the money on hand became more than was needed.

Trusting these unknown servants was no issue.  Paid in Energy and in Spiritual experiences beyond their ordinary access, money was petty in comparison.  They gladly left their previously established rates as rent and utilities still had to be paid so that we had a place to meditate together and our experiences were undisturbed.

Left the front door of my apartment unlocked because i could not always predictably easily walk down three flights of stairs to let them in, as it takes a perception of form to be able to walk, sensing the separate entities of feet, objects to walk around, safe steady places to place your feet, etc.  At times legs like jelly or no awareness of feet or making contact with floor-ness or the car pedals when driving.  Learned over time to walk and drive even when not perceiving a body.

I was and Am Whole, undifferentiated Wholeness. The complicated system of the way society had run was not needed any longer.  Rules replaced by Consciousness.  Everything happened spontaneously in a way that obviously repeatedly demonstrated the Great coordination of the GODHead. OM

Everyone who came around immediately went into samadhi, and wanted meditation instruction after years of no previous interest, seeing in front of them living proof that no therapy was needed to ensure Consciousness or the release of what was clearly not That. They just laughed; it was over.

People who had known me before reported observing huge layers of personality sliding off. I felt blank, Pure Consciousness and still do. Within about 10 days of the initial experience, all I did was meditate very deeply, usually beyond any conscious body awareness.  External formal commitments were over.  Almost all clients became meditation students overnight.

Around two weeks later, on the phone I was moved to describe what was left of personality as a tiny speck of sand surrounded by an ocean of energy. Feelings were coming up about being invaded and swallowed up. A friend asked me to tune into the ocean of energy to see if it was friendly. It was obviously the same energy as mySelf. The moment I noticed that was so, the smaller self was immediately absorbed into the larger Self. Enormous Bliss and great Thankfulness emerged.

Bliss, Buddha Laughter, and Great Consciousness continued for the next three months. Worry and fear left. I saw clearly everything that I had ever worried about or feared was very funny because it was unreal, totally made up of previous misperceptions. Speaking occurred seldom, only a sentence or two a day, if that. I left notes for those running errands, or they would just get it intuitively. Consciousness has many ways to communicate.

An inclination to go into greater seclusion arose. Also aware of all the people coming to meditate that if I left, they would be without support. One day I just prayed and said,

All tendency for seclusion left. Deep meditation continued.

After a pause, a deep interior response arose, Yes.

Within three days the Shaktipat Energy came spontaneously into palms of the hands and soles of the feet, and I began to be moved to transmit energy blessings for spiritual experiences. I was shown internally how to do this for some years.

Within a week or so someone asked that I have a Satsang, so that there would be a set time when new people could come and experience what was happening. I asked what that would involve (having no memory at the time of the hundreds I had attended), and he said that he had been to several.  We would tell people when to come and to bring a pillow and a blanket.  There would be a time to meditate and a time for people to ask spiritual questions.  That seemed fine, and when the time came, the place was packed.  A lot of it was in silence.

A new meditation student offered a larger place to teach in downtown, the third floor of an old mansion that had been converted into office space.  We were given what had been the ballroom and library, as well as a small office space where i did private consultations, a bathroom, and a room with a sink where people could make a cup of tea or eat a snack.

People came on their lunch hours, and then came back after work. Most stayed all night to meditate, unable to leave being so moved by the energy. This continued for days. They did not go home to bathe or eat or change clothes, their Hearts were so moved to be in the Presence. Out of compassion I began cooking for them. Since they would not leave my Presence, I cooked so that they could eat. Although they seemed O.K., I was concerned that they would not be able to maintain their bodies over a long period of time.  They were not yet stable at this level of vibration, nor were they all destined to be breatharians.

An apartment became available around the corner from the Meditation Hall where we were spending so much time, and I moved my residence there.  It was there I cooked, let people take showers, change clothes, and rest their bodies in the living room on thick foam mattresses.

As long as they were in my energy field, there were times when the energy was briefly light enough when we could do these things.  It was pretty brief. I was mainly radiating.  They were mainly meditating to receive, and then to integrate the transmission.

As people had started to ask questions about their meditation, some asked that I set an actual time for classes, so that they would not miss anything, and I would not have to keep repeating what had been previously been said. That is how we came to have distinct classes at the Ashram. Of course, it has always been that it was only the start time would be predictable. We have always finished when the energy was done. This is the class of GOD. How else could it be?

When it became apparent that most of the people coming needed to be in the Energy about twice a week to maintain their vibration level in samadhi, two predictable classes were initiated several days apart to handle that requirement.

The husband of the student who had arranged the space became concerned over insurance coverage as the building was being used sometimes 24 hours a day.  I was unmoved to stop anyone from coming as often as their Hearts moved them.  There was something significant happening spiritually, and it seemed important to let it occur organically.

We rented a large house which we found out afterwards had been formerly used as a small convent. Two students moved in with me to form the initial residence of the Ashram and Retreat Center. The day we moved in, one of the neighbors who ran a machine shop next door, told me that this older part of the city was not safe for three young women to be living alone. I just laughed, and said, We will be fine. GOD will take care of us.

People came and went 24 hours a day, and no one was ever harmed by the occupants of the neighborhood.  The day we moved out almost a year later, the shop owner next door came out and remarked about how the crime rate had dropped starting the year before.

Much Shaktipat was transmitted. Students asked spontaneously to be initiated as disciples. All I could do was talk about GOD and Enlightenment, all that truly interests me.

Some months after experience, I was driving to an out-of-town airport and realized that I could not read the signs. The meaning of the traffic signs and lights had no understanding for me. It requires duality to register the difference between letters and space. No worry, just noticing what was happening. When I came to a fork in the expressway, I just offered it up, and the energy took me exactly where to go. Pulling into the airport and the place my friend was expecting me, I was moved to ask her to drive, but still unafraid.

This extreme non-duality while driving continued off and on for about four months. Other people drove. My attention was elsewhere, interior. It was not that I could not drive.  I was not moved.

Now I could see the beauty of Creation and slip deeper into meditation as I was moved without having to be externally responsible.  Delicious.

As time progressed, I sold my car, and eventually bought a bike with big baskets for groceries on the back.  Now I drive when moved.  I am the Wisdom of the Universe, the Wonder of surprise.

After about four months, I was moved to write Master Ram, my former Guru, and describe to him what had been happening. He gave me some instruction about how to direct Shaktipat transmissions more precisely and told me to be selective and only transmit to energy to suitable students, to not cast pearls before swine.

He also said that the reason that I had had so many Gurus (four) was that each one had had something specific to teach me and now that I would be able to supervise people in all four stages of life (student, householder, hermit, and monk).  He emphasized that it was important for me to continue to lead Enlightenment Intensives.  He also told me to keep going, that there is always more.

I led an Enlightenment Intensive shortly after that, and went into a high level of Samadhi during the second day.  There was an enormous amount of energy to be transmitted, and I was moved to throw the rigid Zen sesshin type schedule out and transmit until complete.  Obviously a spontaneous format for Intensives was emerging.

Almost everyone had Samadhi experiences and/or flashes of Enlightenment, and the others came close and did shortly afterwards.  

Shri Swami Asaramji Maharaj, my former Advaita Monism practical Vedanta Guru from Gujarat, India, now known as Param Pujya Sant Shri Asaramji Bapu, gave me a Blessing to teach practical Vedanta.

Shortly after that I began spontaneously recording poetry about Enlightenment, which came out whole cloth. Writing in this manner is just another expression of Samadhi.

August 8th, 1988, I had profound Awakening into Unconditional Love. For about four months, waves of unconditional Love energy poured forth from this Spiritual Heart. Many were healed of dysfunctional relationship issues in the Presence. For two and a half years, almost of the transmissions coming through spontaneously were that level of vibration, and the name was later interiorly changed to honor that it is the Grace of the Love coming through the Guru that is the Enlightener.

Further Awakening into Consciousness came May 31st, 1995, while teaching a gazing meditation in Her Oakland Ashram.

"If there is no doership, there is no object and no focus (possible on it)

Only the Real

No enlightenment
No separation
No guru
No disciple
Simple practice

No focus
No projection

All there is Is the Absolute. Know That, and be free. When we truly get that all there is Is the Absolute (that is why it is Absolutely All) and that our only relationship is with this Self, everything changes.

All focus goes onto the Self. All else fades into the periphery.

Things become Real overnight. Everything we put our attention onto becomes That. Everything dissolves into the Real, turning in upon ItSelf to reveal the Real.

Everything becomes simple after that. There is no one to impress, get the attention of, get the approval of, challenge, get power over, be better than or subservient to. Everything Is. Approval already is given, was all along. Is.
Great detachment occurs, Is. Doership ends. There is nothing to do, or force.  Force ends.  There is no energy to force.

There is no object to dissolve or consider.  There is only this Is.  Undying, unborn, unchanging, unsought.  The Real Is.

If we do not activate doership, there is no object and no focus (possible on it).

Only the Real.

On the physical plane, nothing changes, but the relationship to it does.

Hurry stops. Time is. It is either time to do something and it occurs, or it is not (happening).

What is expressing, expresses.

Skies may fall, earthquakes rumble. What is, Is.

There is nothing to bow to.  I am already sitting in the middle of It.  How could it be outside of my Self?

Everything recycles because it is the Self.  I am Indestructible.  Undying. Self."


July 20, 2002

A rounded column of Light began to emerge like a large Shiva linga coming out of the top of the Crown Chakra. As it continued to rise, I experienced the outer head of the apparent physical body split open and the skin on the arms and chest peel back and fall away. A gold energy Divine Body emerged, totally uncovered as the regular physical body just parted and fell away down to the feet. This body is obviously my own, and is life-sized and has no hair. Not a visualization, I was experiencing it literally as I was seeing it. The energy was intense.

Once the Kundalini was completely out of the body, still connected at the soles of the feet, it changed presentation and became pure energy once again, rushing back down through the chakras rapidly and strongly, strong as a freight train. It paused and came out with a flickering around the outside of the Spiritual Heart, now as wide as the whole chest area, and from the top of the chest area to just below the rib cage, only not in the physical body.

Next the Kundalini rushed on all the way out through the rest of the body, continually moving through like a river at the velocity of a speeding train for a long time. When it reached the arms, it came through very strongly. This was not some minor chakra opening. It was the whole width of the apparent arm, the whole arm is one large open chakra channel. The energy raised the arms at one point with the strength and velocity of the transmission they were radiating so that they were outstretched and no longer resting on the arms of the chair.

It took a little while getting through the pelvic area (I was meditating in a recliner chair and not fully straight, which may have had something to do with that), and then broke through and rushed down through the apparent legs. Eventually they, too, were radiating with enormous width of the opening and strength of the transmission. When the energy completed its transit and rushed out the apparent feet, it seemed as if the Earth was also receiving an enormous transmission, as well as the students in the room. OM

This went on for about 4 hours, and completed shortly after 1 a.m. I heard inside with a lot of energy present: "There is no returning from this."

Outside and downstairs, the students were dropped physically onto the ground or floor and into meditation for hours wherever they were when it started.

Afterwards, I experience greater ease is assisting students with releasing blockages that previously seemed complex for all. Energy transmissions often occur from all over the apparent body. I feel one energy body rather than a string of apparently separate Chakras. The voice has deepened and become more melodious.

The massage therapist says that the former muscular tension in the muscles is gone. The chiropractor is ecstatic, and says I have a totally new body. I feel totally different. Divine Body. Greater Consciousness. More mature, adult.

Over the years, I have had many energy experiences. This outstripped it exponentially. I don't even know how to describe it in proportion. It has no comparison. The transition to it was very simple. Not far to go. Very different on the other side. OM

I don't know how to express Gratitude for this. I have no one separate to thank. I am beyond Gratitude. Gratitude has become MySelf. OM I Am the One. I lay this at My feet.


February 14, 2003, Valentines Day

Early this morning more Heart Awakening. The physical throat feels it opens directly into this greatly extended Spiritual Heart to include what before was the third, forth and throat chakras, no longer separate, one huge Spiritual Heart Chakra.

Great Energy. Great Detachment, very different from the first Awakening into the Spiritual Heart years ago. Increased Compassion. Love extended beyond before. Increased sharing of Love and Gratitude with others beyond immediate circle. Great quiet. Increased service and acknowledging those who serve me and with me. Focus generally in the Crown Chakra, connected with the Great Spiritual Heart. Increased healing for others and mySelf. Increased Wisdom.

March, 2003

Saw my final Guru, Swami Sri Master Ram of Ben Lomond, California, who told me I was right on the verge of full and total Enlightenment, and that it could happen at any moment. His criterion for full and total Enlightenment is that all the chakras are clear.

Easter Sunday night, April 20, 2003

One whole long chakra opened from the GODHead chakra above the Crown chakra down through and below the feet chakra, sideways as the Fourth Eye is often depicted on Shiva and Quan Yin.

Initially a quickening of the Inner Core led to full chakra opening all the way down. The Inner Core I formerly experienced as Presence of GOD Energy is now apparently the Energy of GOD ItSelf. Inner Core came out and is radiating as in the pictures of the oval radiance around the Virgin of Guadeloupe.

Experienced being out in space and having access to all the power in the Universe and in the next moment absolutely no need to use it, along with the Devotional Certainty of the Loving Authority of GOD.

Very still within the physical body for days. Energy very still except for hands, feet, and crown. Walking is different, so expanded, unaware of center of gravity, like the tide of the ocean rolling from side to side while moving ahead slowly.

Gratitude to all my true Gurus in all my lives.

Major shifting going on where I used to call the Crown Chakra and first chakra. I heard the first chakra is re-wiring because service does not require a body. (My only reason for remaining is service and no longer fear the body may not be able to stay in long enough to do my Destiny. The Destiny will complete whether there is a body or not.)

No fear of the unknown. No sense of individual self. No sense of separation from GOD. No one to pray to or ask for help. No fear.

Almost none of my usual former spiritual practices work, I heard because they are not needed any more. No longer any urgency for more Experience. For many years I have had such a strong focus I did little else but serve and practice. The huge structure I had developed towards my own full and total Enlightenment has fully redirected towards assisting others have their own experience.

Reduced physical sensation between knees and forehead. Body very still. Initially used a mild herbal laxative to jump-start peristaltic action as the colon had not been doing so on its own for some days. Reduced need for massage, acupuncture, and chiropractic.

Wisdom continues to integrate. At times, aware of looking out of long sideways "eye." At others, experiencing radiating in the same way as the Virgin of Guadeloupe, which feels like the "Eye" fully open. At others, moving all of the way out in front of the "Eye."

Very dispassionate. Totally unaffected by others discharging junk. Boundary-setting easy. Awakenings and spontaneous healings occur in the Presence. Animals, Nature, humans, all same value and priority.

May 13th, 2003 more deepening, then more in June.

September 24, 2003

Now more Cave of the Heart described by Ramana Maharshi. It is apparent that the GODHead energy expresses out of the Spiritual Heart Chakra in a somewhat different manner than I experience out of the Crown Chakra.

Cave experience has now expanded to a much larger deeper space beyond my chest with very intense GODHead Energy expressing there. Flames line the inside of the cave. There are no words.

More experience since then, in 2994, 2005, 2006,2007, and 2008.

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